Intense times

This could be a cathartic written piece; the only two words that I can figure out to define what I’m feeling are ‘intense times’. I’m experiencing it all the time, maybe you are too. It feels like we’re climbing a roller coaster, slowly and gradually the anticipation and feelings gather, multiply as the cart shakes and judders its way up towards the inevitable top of the well-worn rickety tracks with a deep unknowing of what happens next and how it will feel. How long deep and scary will the decent down be, how will I react, will I scream, will I cry, will I be paralysed in fear?

Reality feels a little like this at the moment. I can only speak from my personal perspective, but the human construct or society, for me, just looks so at odds with how humanity should really be living. There is a facade, a fake-ness to things. A real lack of authenticity. I can only assume this path, this experience we’re all having, is unveiling of truths, allowing us to see what’s not aligned to the highest good of humanity or the planet. 

This is something I’ve written about before, but it bares repeating it is rather challenging deciphering what’s genuine and true in this topsy turvy reality.

I think I have come to terms with people maybe being locked into a society where they are unable to see the corruption the engineered division. I had a session with a healer and psychic recently; from her perspective, I guess in the shamanic way, people’s quantum or energy essence has been shattered or drained out of them, so their level of awareness is so very faint. I think this is a nicer way of seeing the concept of non-playable characters or background people. I’ve always been acutely aware this concept and definition creates a type of separation. 

I could be completely wrong, as ever. But the fact a certain section of society are so locked into daily mainstream narratives, not questioning, and maybe seeing the collective shadow of what’s rising up has been undeniably painful and frustrating to watch. I have done my very best to console myself that people will wake up in their own time. All I can do is continue to heal, consciously consider my actions on a day-to-day basis, how I treat people, and the world around me.

One of the biggest challenges for me at present has been my day job; I’ve been a freelance designer for a long time, and I’m trying my hardest to transition away from it. Because it is so tied up with commerce and big business, I am honestly feeling more and more repelled by it. Particularly, I’ve been more and more uneasy with the levels of trans-humanism, surveillance, and control that technology is gradually ushering in. Again, many in the technology or online creative space don’t seem to consider the implications of what is being constructed around them.

Plus, the jobs market at the moment seems to be in a pretty dire state; I have been finding it increasingly hard to find work. Due to chaos with the cost of living, energy, and brewing global conflicts, all play into making the creative and jobs market in general pretty ropey. Feels like the universe is forcing me to really change course, which i’m trying my hardest to do at the moment.

The money game. We all have to play it. I would love to fully concentrate on Reconsider Simon, see where it takes me; I have various plans in my head, but at the moment, I don’t have any income from it. So, the name of the game now is to figure out ways to diversify as I hopefully gradually build up Reconsider Simon. I feel a certain level of excitement, and I’m trying not to slip into old thought patterns. Every day, I’m trying to heal myself of worthiness, imposter syndrome and confidence issues that I’ve always had. These traumas or unhealed aspects of me have been quite intense to navigate through. I feel in some ways that some of it may actually be generational. So, there is a broader context of abundance I’m currently facing and tackling. Again this is probably occurring on a larger society scale for all of us, the idea of scarcity has very much been drilled into us from birth.

My life has never been smaller since I moved back to Chester; friends have dropped away, I’ve been staying with family, my days are spent meditating, running, windsurfing, working, watching films and creating content for Reconsider Simon. 

Through the endless grey skies of the United Kingdom, through my flickering screens, I’m seeing relentless images of dismembered children being dragged out of bombed buildings or being burned alive. Conflicts are being intentionally stoked on so many different borders now. Politicians outwardly lying, everyone knows they are lying. Corruption in the music industry, politics, healthcare, business all thinly held together by the media. Everyday it tries its hardest to make everything seem normal and respectable, providing a welcome spoonful of sugar to make the chaos seem palatable and reasonable to the masses.

I feel like as the cosmic energies rise, the earth’s magnetic field is destabilising, weather patterns, geology, and also human mental stability. The shadow within ourselves and the world around us is rising up at an unfathomable pace. It’s hard to understand where this all leads. Again, it’s that feeling of a runaway train, destination unknown. I think we can all have ideas about where this all leads. But I think maybe, as tends to happen in life, it will all unfold in a very different way to what we thought.

Tell you what, though, I really do need a holiday from the intensity of it all; there is a pressure to it i’m feeling all the time. I could though be projecting my own situation onto all of it. Maybe a critical mass will hit, something will have to pop, could it be the US election, act of war, false flag, civil unrest, environmental earth changes, or even engineered controlled extraterrestrial disclosure. 

Given the challenges I have been facing, the physical, the 3D. Spiritually and energy-wise things are developing profoundly. I have been part of a meditation group for a while now, which has enabled me to explore a huge range of energy and clearing techniques. My meditations as result have been getting deeper more and more pleasurable. The levels of energy I have been feeling in my body, the environment around me have been very powerful. For me anyway, the energy and my senses are being increasingly heightened.

One relatively abstract concept I’ve been playing with has been the idea of the sun, its energy. The fractal nature of the universe; I feel that maybe everything has its own sun. There’s an internal sun to the earth, a sun within us, then the sun of our solar system. People discuss a larger galactic sun that our solar system potentially orbits around. I’ve been connecting with these suns, feeling the energy of each. For me, this exercise has only confirmed what the sun’s energy really does; it’s obviously a life giver. But as I was connecting with the sun’s energy during meditations, for days after, I started to struggle with some deep-seated unhealed aspects of myself really surfacing, again I go back to that word again, intense. It was intense.

This micro example of my experience connecting with the Earth potentially explains the macro. This is happening on a planetary scale at the moment. The shadow within ourselves and the collective is rising and coming in strong. Expect to see more revelations, more chaos, more truth, more understanding, more awareness. The hardest thing, I think, is to be able to navigate and traverse these very intense times. It has, for me, felt very challenging.